Making it! How I roll....
Just simply making it can be a challenge when things are strained. There have been days I wondered how I would just get out of bed. Days I got out of bed to attend to my children only. I had been, overwhelmed I needed to remember to take a breath. I'd weep, I would be downcast, wondering how I would make it the next second.
When I found myself feeling alone. Like no one could imagine what I felt. I even began to think others didn't care. I wanted a shoulder to cry on, when I got it, it helped in the moment. Still, I went home to the same reality of my life.
I drained the people around me as they desired to help. I became the person on the end of the phone who made people feel heavy when they spoke to me and I found little comfort in peoples words.
I decided I would let myself feel everything I was suppose to feel. It wasn't weakness to despair. No, it was an emotion I was made to feel. However it was only temporary. As much as the emotion was fine to feel, I was not meant to live there. I would have to allow my process to lead me out.
The transition began when I decided. I decided I needed joy. I needed peace. I needed to get out of bed. Although I prayed, my prayers changed. I began to pray from the depths of me. Crying before God. Sobbing. Asking Him to take my heavy load because He said He would not give me more than I can bear.
Every time I felt it was too much I look back and see it wasn't, when I let God take over. I could handle more than I had imagined with God beside me. I began to look for scriptures about joy. About peace. About God's promises to me. And I prayed.
I remember hearing a song, the artist bellowed, "I prayed and cried, I prayed and cried." While I cried I began to humble myself before God knowing, that He would lift me up in due time.
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-8
When I prayed I would tell God I didn't know if I could make it. This verse played in my heart as the words came out.
I remember writing this verse on an index card. Whenever I would get discouraged I would read those words. Knowing I wasn't alone. I began to have peace. My circumstance wasn't what I wanted it to be and God was (and is) my refuge. "An ever present help in trouble."
I held this verse full of promises to my heart.
I found joy. I began to look for positive things in life and not focus on the negative. There are things in my situation I can not change. However if I focus on me, if I make positive situations because of the things I can't control, it will help me through it. And hopefully impact others around me.
Laughter is contagious. I am reminded of my sister. My brother and I would joke around and if my sister got wind of the laughter she was unstoppable. Her laughter made anyone's belly hurt, she couldn't stop herself, even when she needed her inhaler.
I decide to laugh. Decide to smile. I stopped listening to music about having a broken heart. I stopped watching movies about my situation. I had to allow my process to change my conversation. I had to start talking about my situation in light. I had to change who I talked to. I had to stay focus.
I am not just saying this. I am not repeating some religious practice I have heard countless times. This is what I lived to tell. I still have a day or moment when things bother me. Hey, I am human. I just decide not to stay there. I take it to God again, I give it to Him again and I decide to find something positive I can focus on.
I made it through and am making it through my process. God, prayer, giving everything to Him daily, hourly (as often as I need) - that's how I make it. It's how I roll. God is so faithful. And the joy of the Lord is my strength.
Making it. Yes I can make it, with God.
When I found myself feeling alone. Like no one could imagine what I felt. I even began to think others didn't care. I wanted a shoulder to cry on, when I got it, it helped in the moment. Still, I went home to the same reality of my life.
I drained the people around me as they desired to help. I became the person on the end of the phone who made people feel heavy when they spoke to me and I found little comfort in peoples words.
I decided I would let myself feel everything I was suppose to feel. It wasn't weakness to despair. No, it was an emotion I was made to feel. However it was only temporary. As much as the emotion was fine to feel, I was not meant to live there. I would have to allow my process to lead me out.
The transition began when I decided. I decided I needed joy. I needed peace. I needed to get out of bed. Although I prayed, my prayers changed. I began to pray from the depths of me. Crying before God. Sobbing. Asking Him to take my heavy load because He said He would not give me more than I can bear.
Every time I felt it was too much I look back and see it wasn't, when I let God take over. I could handle more than I had imagined with God beside me. I began to look for scriptures about joy. About peace. About God's promises to me. And I prayed.
I remember hearing a song, the artist bellowed, "I prayed and cried, I prayed and cried." While I cried I began to humble myself before God knowing, that He would lift me up in due time.
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-8
When I prayed I would tell God I didn't know if I could make it. This verse played in my heart as the words came out.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30 NIV
I remember writing this verse on an index card. Whenever I would get discouraged I would read those words. Knowing I wasn't alone. I began to have peace. My circumstance wasn't what I wanted it to be and God was (and is) my refuge. "An ever present help in trouble."
I held this verse full of promises to my heart.
to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified." Isaiah 61:3
I found joy. I began to look for positive things in life and not focus on the negative. There are things in my situation I can not change. However if I focus on me, if I make positive situations because of the things I can't control, it will help me through it. And hopefully impact others around me.
Laughter is contagious. I am reminded of my sister. My brother and I would joke around and if my sister got wind of the laughter she was unstoppable. Her laughter made anyone's belly hurt, she couldn't stop herself, even when she needed her inhaler.
I decide to laugh. Decide to smile. I stopped listening to music about having a broken heart. I stopped watching movies about my situation. I had to allow my process to change my conversation. I had to start talking about my situation in light. I had to change who I talked to. I had to stay focus.
I am not just saying this. I am not repeating some religious practice I have heard countless times. This is what I lived to tell. I still have a day or moment when things bother me. Hey, I am human. I just decide not to stay there. I take it to God again, I give it to Him again and I decide to find something positive I can focus on.
I made it through and am making it through my process. God, prayer, giving everything to Him daily, hourly (as often as I need) - that's how I make it. It's how I roll. God is so faithful. And the joy of the Lord is my strength.
Making it. Yes I can make it, with God.
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