Rebirthing
What is a life full of worry, full of caution, full of trying to be correct, full of predictability, full routine? I realized, for me, it's not living, it's just doing those things. How many days have I spent indoors because there was something or somethings I just had to do? Today, I just want to live.
This week I have been thinking about my life. How, up until a couple months ago, I tried to do what I thought a woman of 35 would do. I wouldn't tell anyone how old I was for fear of being judged. Being 25 with 4 children is not always received well with people.
Well, I spent my life constantly rehearsing in my mind what people could think, what judgments people may make. With those playing over and over in my head, it made it difficult for me in relationships with people. I was trying to prove to people I knew what a family should look like, I knew how to be a mom, I knew the role a wife should have - it became my undoing. And now, my rebirthing.
Constantly thinking about others thoughts, which may not have been the case for every stranger, I put myself in a box. It was shameful being a young mom, though I was not ashamed. Though I made the choices which would make me happy. Though I loved my life, my husband, my children; my family. I wasn't living with them. I was in someone's head, the most negative person's head. I caged my husband with me. Neither of us where flying when we should have been soaring.
I was listening to, Light His Fire with Dr. Ellen. She said something, "If you say you're bored, that means you're a boring person." Wow! It was a real reality check for me. I started to see how boring I was. This week I decided, at 26, why not be the woman I want to be. I, today, have gotten out of that person's head. I am going to live. I am going to be proud of all I have learned at my age. Proud of the woman I am. And I am going to live.
I am going to take risks, I am going to run, jump, dance, put my head out the window and worship God like David did! I am going to live. Starting now, I am living my life. Embracing my inner child to be the mom I have always wanted to be. I missed too many moments in worry, in fear. I am going to be me. I am going to be!
My mind is renewed. I know God wants us to be free and to live.
This week I have been thinking about my life. How, up until a couple months ago, I tried to do what I thought a woman of 35 would do. I wouldn't tell anyone how old I was for fear of being judged. Being 25 with 4 children is not always received well with people.
Well, I spent my life constantly rehearsing in my mind what people could think, what judgments people may make. With those playing over and over in my head, it made it difficult for me in relationships with people. I was trying to prove to people I knew what a family should look like, I knew how to be a mom, I knew the role a wife should have - it became my undoing. And now, my rebirthing.
Constantly thinking about others thoughts, which may not have been the case for every stranger, I put myself in a box. It was shameful being a young mom, though I was not ashamed. Though I made the choices which would make me happy. Though I loved my life, my husband, my children; my family. I wasn't living with them. I was in someone's head, the most negative person's head. I caged my husband with me. Neither of us where flying when we should have been soaring.
I was listening to, Light His Fire with Dr. Ellen. She said something, "If you say you're bored, that means you're a boring person." Wow! It was a real reality check for me. I started to see how boring I was. This week I decided, at 26, why not be the woman I want to be. I, today, have gotten out of that person's head. I am going to live. I am going to be proud of all I have learned at my age. Proud of the woman I am. And I am going to live.
I am going to take risks, I am going to run, jump, dance, put my head out the window and worship God like David did! I am going to live. Starting now, I am living my life. Embracing my inner child to be the mom I have always wanted to be. I missed too many moments in worry, in fear. I am going to be me. I am going to be!
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
My mind is renewed. I know God wants us to be free and to live.
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