Day 38 - July 22, 2009

Day 38: Love fulfills dreams

Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.

—Psalm 37:4

TODAY’S DARE

Ask yourself what your mate would want if it was obtainable. Commit this to prayer, and start mapping out a plan for meeting some (if not all) of their desires, to whatever level you possibly can.

The book asks me to consider the one thing Steven says I could never do for him. The things Steve says I could never give him - privacy, freedom, me not try to control him and space. I am sorry, I am pregnant and this week has been very emotional for me. I have wanted to leave, those needs would be met in my absence.

Throughout this dare it has been a process to not check email...I haven't. Out of curiosity I would see if he was online at the penpals site. This week I stopped that. I don't check history. Absolutely nothing. I have always resented the private life Steve wants in marriage.

At this point I feel I need to let him go. Meaning take my hands off him. It's easy to pull someone down then lift them up. I don't know if I can do it anymore. I say God is my strength, but I am beginning to wonder where my heart will be if Steve's heart changes.

I have suppressed "me." I ask myself, will I ever be able to trust him with my heart, to take care of me again? Will I be able to trust him not to leave? If he ever tells me he loves me again, will I believe him? What will the status of my heart be? I will love him yes.

Enough of that - I will resolve to give him all those things.