Day 30 - July 14, 2009

Day 30: Love brings unity

Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are.

—John 17:11

TODAY’S DARE

Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

The area I prayed for was fear. Which ended up being an awaking moment for me. This verse in particular:

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18

As I read this verse, it was a jaw dropping moment. I have said in previous post how I have lived with fear. Fear of what could happen, what this could mean, being hurt, being rejected, not being wanted or desired... Fear. Being fearful has prevented me from loving. And it has had a horrible effect in my marriage.

Fear keeps me up at night. It has made me not trust or be vulnerable. Fear made me desire to control every situation. Fear made me less patient, less understanding...I believe, as I sought God for this, He has delivered me from my fears (Psa. 34:4).

I wrote a poem a couple years ago. Written to fear as if it were my companion. Though I decided then I did not want to live with fear, I do not remember asking God to deliver me. I do believe this moment, when I wrote this poem, helped enable me to hear God while I was in prayer. It was my confession...

Live without you

You’ve been my companion from childhood
I’ve found safety with you
Trusting you was easy
I always knew what to expect

I never had to worry
You were always consistent
I would run to you when criticized
You comforted me in my hiding place

Yet now I’m growing
Learning our lifestyle was dangerous
Unhealthy for us to always assume the worst
Addictive retreats in darkness

I thought you were protecting
When you kept me in hiding
Away from reality
You made me faithless

I was never disappointed
Because my standards were low
Anyone could expect better
You have kept me from God’s will

You make it difficult to have relationships
Difficult to trust
Difficult to hope
Difficult to live life

Fear, I’ve loved your company
But can’t let you keep me down
God did not give me the spirit of fear
He gave me love, power and a sound mind

I’m letting go of you
I’m giving God my troubles
I’m going to trust, hope and have faith
I’m going to live without Fear
Copyright © 2007 by Angela Caldwell

And I would add, I'm going to love