Day 24 - July 8, 2009

Day 24: Love vs. Lust

The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.

—1 John 2:17

TODAY’S DARE

End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you’ve swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed—today—and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

When I read the title in the book for this part, I thought, "Ok. I don't struggle with this." The way the book broke down lust, God showed me what I lusted after. This is new to me, something I have not thought of. Here I go, I lust after my ideal husband. Wow.

I don't lust after men, most of my life I have been disgusted by men. For most my marriage, until EMDR, I deemed 90% of men as bad. When I saw men I would think horrible things. Even when I flirted, I didn't want any of the guys I flirted with. Especially black guys. I found out later why that was.

Getting to the point, my ideal husband it's a man who does not exist. Steve was my knight, he broke through the walls I put up. Here's a poem I wrote when Steve and I started talking. All my promises to myself.



Now I realize, I did not want a relationship for my hurts and brokenness. And more, I felt no man could live up to my standards; give me what I need. Steve has told me this before, but I really wasn't listening to him. It's true. Steve was the closest I thought I would get to my ideal husband. In my marriage I have spent time trying to get Steve to be the husband I want. Trying to have my marriage be my ideal of what it should look like. Therefore I am left disappointed. A scripture they used in the book:

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you?" James 4:1

Today I will challenge myself to write him out and then stop lusting for him so I can love my husband. WOW!!