Day 19 - July 3, 2009

Day 19: Love is impossible

Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

—1 John 4:7

TODAY’S DARE

Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

Yes there were dares which seemed impossible. I believe the most challenging was destroying my list, the list of all the things Steve had done which hurt me. The book calls it the depreciation room. I am very hormonal because of my pregnancy so I have roller coaster days. Most of the dares have challenged me because there is always something which can upset me and make me not want to do them.

Another dare was and is Day 12, it is actually a daily challenge. On Day 12 I committed to not checking Steve's phone, email and other online accounts. When I see him writing to women he met on a pen pals site, I want to read the messages soooo bad. Even email, some days I just want to know what he tells other people about me or what's going on.

I have noticed a need for God to change my heart, and I have know I have loved my husband conditionally. I thought of the days I would say, "I can't live with this or that...If you do this again I'm done...You've ruined our marriage...I will never chase a man..."