Day 17 - July 1, 2009

Day 17: Love promotes intimacy

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.

—Proverbs 17:9 NIV

TODAY’S DARE

Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

Today I decided to write this in a letter. Given the dynamic of the,I guess it is best said, given how things are at the moment, I did not think he would be open to talk about this. This has been a big issue in our marriage.

When I found out some of Steve's secret, I would judge whether telling someone would help him or not. Instead of just being there for him, I thought of myself, how it would effect me. What I told caused a breakdown in his friendships. This lead to mistrust. And for certain things, I made him feel ashamed.

I know how I felt when he told people things of my past which I only wanted people of my choosing to know. It was devastating. I knew my husband needed support, he told people who may have been able to give him support at the time. Though I was hurting, Steven was alone with so much on his plate. I understand why he told and I understand how he feels when I have told things to people too.

In my letter to him I basically apologized for not guarding his secrets. I admitted my responses to his honesty had been terrible, creating more fear and less freedom. I told him I would work to earn his trust in this area. And I would vow to protect his secrets and be his advocate. Just a summary, would post the letter, but it's a secret ; )

The book really helped me see guarding his secrets as a form of intimacy. And praying for his secrets as intimacy as well.