Day 5 - June 19, 2009

Day 5: Love is not rude

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.

—Proverbs 27:14

TODAY’S DARE

Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.

Okay, well because of my Prego brain (pregnancy killing my brain cells). I remember only two things he told me.

1) I always assume the worse in situations.
2) I don't give him privacy and invade his privacy
3) I try to control him (I think -- best guess -- I really should ask again but a little to scared)

I handled hearing those things without emotion. With everything going on, I am becoming numb. Plus, I feel awful about those things and am really sorry I did them. I fully admit to doing them.

What I plan to do to improve on these things is learn to trust my husband. I know trust is earned, I have stuck with that since the beginning of my marriage. It led to an endless cycle which ended with me not trusting him. My husband is not a bad guy by any sense.

Everyone has things they need from their spouse, I was just too needy. I assumed the worse so if it was the worse maybe it wouldn't hurt as bad. I just need to live. To stop trying to control my hurts. To know I will get hurt in life, it's life, none is perfect.

Part of my controlling was me living in fear. I wanted to prevent hurt and bad things from happening, wow, if it were even possible. Another part of my controlling was my not waiting for my husband, the "I'm not going to wait for any man to do anything for me, I'll do it myself."

Another part of my control was my issue with men being the, head of the house. The, "Ain't no man gonna tell me what to do," mindset. Even though my husband isn't the type of man who would demean me or degrade me, I let my on issues prevent me from letting my husband lead. More importantly prevent me from respecting him as a man.

I need to let life happen. Live without fear.