Day 13 - June 27, 2009

Day 13: Love fights fair

If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

—Mark 3:25

TODAY’S DARE

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.

I did not want to ask Steve about this one - fear of rejection. However this is an area we both need to address. I do not want our children to victims any longer of our fights. With a month of this cycle (below are examples of the fights we've been having), I will not continue it any longer in our marriage. I saw this video at church and I felt so ashamed of myself, asking for forgiveness.



I asked Steve if he would be willing to come up with a list of fighting guidelines, he did agree. When we do ours together I will update my blog.

As far as me, our last fights have been horrid. Lets see, this is all shameful, but I need to be completely honest. One fight, I got very angry because Steve refused to tell me the "real deal" with his friend. I felt some of the dialog was not appropriate and it made me look bad as his wife. I got upset and started hitting him with a pillow.

Another day, I was upset because he had talked to other women similar, so I punched him. Another day I told him I would cut off his penis so he could not have children with any of those women and I threatened to break his laptop. I told the story of breaking his laptop on Day 3. Another fight I tried to grab the laptop, he did something to me so I pushed him into the sink.

All of these physical fights while I have been pregnant. Yep. Craziness. Wrestling my husband was never something I ever wanted to do in marriage. This past month I was out of control. I have no excuse for my behavior, I could give reasons, but I tend to believe this quote, "My response is my responsibility." Being Madea isn't healthy in a marriage, though she is fun to watch.



My personal rules to "fight" by:
1. I will listen first - I will not interject or or argue a detail - I will listen first before responding
2. I will be slow to get anger - if I feel I am getting upset I will ask for a break to get myself together and if possible set a time when we can continue.
3. I will not get physical under any circumstance
4. I will deal with my issues first - consider what I did in the situation and work on it
5. I will be respectful with my tone - I will not raise my voice
6. I will not argue details but the issue
7. I will not bring up the past when addressing an issue, I will talk only about what we are working to resolve.
8. I will not present evidence or look for things to prove him wrong
9. I will refrain from attacking or attacking tones - asking more questions
10. I will not use the words: you, always and never
11. I will not put him down such as calling him an adulterer, liar, deceiver...
12. When he tells me the truth or is honest with me I will control my emotions and not be attacking or react negatively
13. I will not tell him what to do, I will ask and work on a compromise rather than only expecting to get what I want.
14. I will be attentive to his tones, if he tells me he needs me to stop I will leave him alone until we can talk again
15. I will not leave our home in an arguement, if I need to leave I will give a time I am coming back.
16. I will not break, throw, etc objects under any circumstance.
17. I will be respectful and not start arguments late at night. If I think of something at night I will right it down to bring up when it is an appropriate hour.
18. I will not argue about issues with him at work. (I will write them down)
19. I will not threaten him or to destroy any of his belongings in any way

Those are a few I can start with. As I think of more I will write them.