Day 12 - June 26, 2009

Day 12: Love lets the other win

Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

—Philippians 2:4

TODAY’S DARE

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

This dare was tough. Earlier in the day I posted about his friendship with another. In the evening, I realized, through talking to him, a preference which related partly to why the friendship had continued.


My invading his privacy is a big issue for him. Therefore I have chosen to not check his phone, email, and other online accounts unless he gives me permission to. This will challenge me given how things are - a separation to begin the end of the year. I have done this several time during our marriage, some often long lengths of time.

My motivation to stop looking those times were: I had wanted to for him, but the lack of trust always made it backfire. And as my grandmother told me in the beginning of my marriage, "If you go looking for something you will always find something."

True enough, I would find something, even if it were something small, a detail I put attention to which Steve may not have. I pay attention to detail, small details. My mind has me look at all the possible intentions instead of the true intent. When presenting my findings to Steve I would present him with the worse intent, wrong accusations, putting down the man of integrity he is.

In the past weeks I decided not to look simply to prevent from hurting myself. This time however I will surrender this issue to God. All the hurts, mistrust - I have to live in the appreciation room. I will completely surrender this to God and pray He give me everything I need to complete this task. Which will require disciplining my flesh because this has become an addiction. Ultimately, what matters is showing Steven I can give him a marriage without invasions and I allow God to heal me.

Wednesday I saw my midwife. I was given a stress test which showed I had high stress. They are concerned and would like me to see my therapist and take meds. I had my ultrasound Thursday, the doctors are concerned about my son's kidneys. They wonder if something has not developed with them, we have to have another ultrasound. Please pray for our baby and our children in all this.